I am tired, and disappointed. I just came back from OlymPPIC, a sport event organized by PPIS (Indonesian students' Association in Singapore).
I played men's double with my partner, Dhany. We finished in the top 4 out of 13 good doubles, and that's not bad in fact. However, I just think that I haven't been playing well during the past 2 days, and that makes me so upset.
Yesterday I made 7 service errors in one single match. For someone who's not new to badminton, seven service errors in one match are just fucking terrible. Today I played so badly, maybe one of the worst in my badminton "career" (fine, I just play for my school, my hostel, but hey, that's still a career isn't that?)
And the worst part is.... from the first few minutes of the match, I had been thinking "NO, WE ARE GOING TO LOSE.. THIS TASK IS JUST IMPOSSIBLE!!!"
I usually am very positive, and when I think that I am going to lose from the very beginning, that's just really not me. I hated that feeling and I felt so shitty.
I played like a loser and I finished the game as a loser. No proud feeling. No love. No passion. Nothing. Nada.
Maybe a few years later when I look back at this blog entry, I finally understand that I am no superman. I am a human, afterall. Someone who can fail, can feel shitty, can give up, can feel frustrated, and can cry.
And I DID cry, not because I lose, but because I can't give my best.. and for not being myself.
Nevertheless, losing sucks.
I played men's double with my partner, Dhany. We finished in the top 4 out of 13 good doubles, and that's not bad in fact. However, I just think that I haven't been playing well during the past 2 days, and that makes me so upset.
Yesterday I made 7 service errors in one single match. For someone who's not new to badminton, seven service errors in one match are just fucking terrible. Today I played so badly, maybe one of the worst in my badminton "career" (fine, I just play for my school, my hostel, but hey, that's still a career isn't that?)
And the worst part is.... from the first few minutes of the match, I had been thinking "NO, WE ARE GOING TO LOSE.. THIS TASK IS JUST IMPOSSIBLE!!!"
I usually am very positive, and when I think that I am going to lose from the very beginning, that's just really not me. I hated that feeling and I felt so shitty.
I played like a loser and I finished the game as a loser. No proud feeling. No love. No passion. Nothing. Nada.
Maybe a few years later when I look back at this blog entry, I finally understand that I am no superman. I am a human, afterall. Someone who can fail, can feel shitty, can give up, can feel frustrated, and can cry.
And I DID cry, not because I lose, but because I can't give my best.. and for not being myself.
Nevertheless, losing sucks.
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