Where were you when I expected you to be there?

Actually I wanted to make this post private, but I guess the purpose of this blog is to represent me, as the way I am - no make-up, no photoshop, no mask.

Well, my first badminton match this year after last year we grabbed 3 gold medals and 2 silver medals. This year is probably my last year playing, and that's why this is very important for me.

To make the long story short, I lost the match. Quite close, but losing is losing, and that's just sad.

Thanks for those who reminded me again and again that it was my fault that our team lost. Without you reminding me, I already felt very guilty, so thanks for pouring some salt on my wound, really appreciate your kind heart.

But what makes me even sadder is that... some people whom I expected to watch me playing were not there.

When I did emcee, noone was there among the audiences. Noone. I know it's 9 in the morning, but we usually get up before 7 when we work or have class, so to say that 9am is too early is just another excuse not to see, and that's just sad. I had been waiting and hoped that at least one of the people I expect to come showed up, but yes, I was left disappointed despite the great success. People I met said that we (my partner and I) did a great job emceeing, but yeah, some success are simply meaningless when there is noone to share with.

When we put so much emphasis on Saying Goodbye, why is it that during probably our last days together (I say "probably", who know my plane crashes, we will never know), some people are just not here?

I thought friends are to support each other in terms of happiness and sadness. Not just hanging out watching movies together, wasting money shopping, going to some stupid cafes, eating out, gossiping. Yes, those are fun, but hey, I can meet someone today and tomorrow we can watch movie or eating out together, so what's special?

Yes, and when I lost my match, some people were not there. Yes, two people showed up and I won't forget those for the rest of my life. For the rest, maybe it's not important for you, I don't know. Maybe you had something else to do like for example sleeping or such, I don't know. Or maybe watching people playing badminton is not fun, although for me, this was probably my last match and that's definitely very very important. And maybe this was my last two chance emceeing, and that's very very important. And I was left disappointed when some people just weren't there to support me.

OK, maybe this is 21st century, and friendship is just about watching movies together, shopping, gossiping totally useless stuffs like who marry who or who are gays, who are straight. Maybe I expect too high and therefore, disappointed.

I can't say if those people I expect to come really did come I would win the match. I will never know. I understand perfectly well that I am not Taufik Hidayat or Lin Dan. But when someone so ordinary like me playing for probably my last matches, and probably one of the last times emceeing, can't I expect some people who are so special in my life to be coming and cheer me even if I lost the match?

ANYWAYS, thanks for being so kind, and understanding, and attentive.

P.S. I am okay, it's over. No worries ;)