Lord, I am back Home

Praise God, He is amazing.

I am a Roman Catholic, and I was baptized about 10 years ago when I was in Primary 6. I go to church quite often. Basically, I used to think that my life, although it's not that "holy", but it's not too bad.

However, after attending a retreat organized by NTU Catholic Community, I started to examine my life honestly, and I found that my life is really terrible. I cried over my life in that retreat. It's the first time in my life I cried without feeling ashame.

I learned in that retreat that God really loves me so much. Last time, when I was in a big depression or I got a lot of problems to solve, I used to question.."God, where are you?" I even often questioned the existence of God. However, after that retreat, I know that God is always there, watching me, guarding me. Although I am very weak spiritually, and I realize that I very often don't give Him the respect He deserves, He always calls me back. I know, inside my heart, God always call me to come back to Him, but I always neglected it. But now, here, I want to testify to you, all of you, I am back home. I am back to Jesus, my God and my savior. Praise the Lord.

I've experienced a great joy and peace in that retreat. Something that I have never experienced for years. However, maybe the biggest decision I made during that retreat is my decision to fully analyze my life and confess all my sins that I can remember. I never confess my sin for two years and the last time I confess, I only confessed some of my sins (btw, Catholic church has a sacrament called Sacrament of Reconciliation to give us chance to confess our sins.) I am a bit afraid in the beginning. However, God gave me courage to really confess all my sins. It was really a great joy and peace in my mind after confessing all my sins and knowing the fact that all my sins have already forgiven by God, I tell you, it's a fantastic feeling. It's like you have been carrying a very heavy and smelly rubbish bag with you for 2 years and suddenly that rubbish disappear, nothing left.

One of the other great experiences is when we had our baptism of the holy spirit. I used to be skeptical and to be honest, a bit afraid, of Charismatic thing. I believe that such thing is there. However, I didn't really understand why such thing exist in the church. However, after experiencing that myself, I am completely convinced that it's really from God. I experienced that myself. And here, I testify again that I have not experienced such peaceful experience for my whole life. For twenty-one years of my life. It's more peaceful than anything I've ever encountered. I lied on the ground for, I guess, 20 minutes, and I felt really peaceful at that time.

I have been experiencing so much of God's love in that event. I know my life will change after this and I am looking forward to that. I don't know what transformation God is going to do. However, trusting in Him is the single best decision I've ever made for my whole life. I know it's not easy, but, knowing that I am indeed very weak and nothing without Him, makes me realize that I have no other choice but relying on God. Again, I emphasize, that's the single best decision I have ever made in my whole life.

And after that retreat, I wrote in my book, and I want to share with you all. I wrote there
"Jesus Christ, my life is for You, and You alone."

And I know, I make a right decision to follow Him. Thank God for everything, and thanks for calling me again and again. I am back Home, Lord. I am back Home.

Notes:
Special thanks to Father Jivan, Father Simon, Ronald, Melisa, Meme, Cindy, Yossi, Vidy, Ai, Iwan, Marcel, Thandar, Ivan, Ale, Thomas Haw, Anne, Andy, Meggy, Reynard, Timmy, Nino, Naomi, Ucup, Randy, Tobias, Alvin, Fitri, Ria, Dan, Mbah Chan, Atika, Adri, Agustine, Valent, Stefin, Ira, Erwin, Yesicca, William, Achong, Pauli, Marco, Sonny, and everyone else who have shared your belief and experience to me. It has been great to meet all of you. God bless...