My deepest condolence for 32 students of Virginia Tech who were shot last Tuesday by their fellow student Cho Seung-hui (sadly to be said, an Asian).
I really wish that bilateral relation between US and South Korea (and Asian countries in general) will not be affected much by this tragedy.
No matter what his motive is, may all the souls rest in peace.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Idiot mistake!!! Argghhh..
I've finished two out of 5 exams today.. If I rate yesterday's exam as "bad", only 1 word can describe today's.. disastrous.
For some questions, I have no idea what the hell that question is about.
For some questions, I used common sense that has nothing to do with the subject.
And for one question, which is very similar with past year's paper, I even made a serious mistake there. I am so frustrated that I cant even remember that particular question which I did less than 72 hours ago. I cant believe it.
This is one of the most terrible mistake I've ever make in exam for 21 years of my life. Please dont console me saying that it's okay to make mistake. I know, it is NOT okay, and I feel really bad.
I still have 3 more papers to go. I need to study really hard to make up for the two papers I've failed.
For some questions, I have no idea what the hell that question is about.
For some questions, I used common sense that has nothing to do with the subject.
And for one question, which is very similar with past year's paper, I even made a serious mistake there. I am so frustrated that I cant even remember that particular question which I did less than 72 hours ago. I cant believe it.
This is one of the most terrible mistake I've ever make in exam for 21 years of my life. Please dont console me saying that it's okay to make mistake. I know, it is NOT okay, and I feel really bad.
I still have 3 more papers to go. I need to study really hard to make up for the two papers I've failed.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Exam is (officially) started.
When you notice me look a bit (or very) lost, you can be sure, it's exam time.
While exam is coming in less than 96 hours from now, I feel that I've just started this semester. Some of my lecture notes were just printed freshly from the printer yesterday. Some of them will never be printed, because as a natural conserver, I want to save a bit of trees (and some coins in my wallet, which is also important)
In spite of everything, here I am. I will do my best for my exam. Everything else is secondary, included my weight. Yes, I've allocated some additional kilograms for my exam, so please don't tell me that I gain weight during exam, I know it better than you that yes, I am getting fat. But who cares. Who cares that you are 105 kgs when you can get your straight A..
Everyone, wish me luck.. I need tons of it..
While exam is coming in less than 96 hours from now, I feel that I've just started this semester. Some of my lecture notes were just printed freshly from the printer yesterday. Some of them will never be printed, because as a natural conserver, I want to save a bit of trees (and some coins in my wallet, which is also important)
In spite of everything, here I am. I will do my best for my exam. Everything else is secondary, included my weight. Yes, I've allocated some additional kilograms for my exam, so please don't tell me that I gain weight during exam, I know it better than you that yes, I am getting fat. But who cares. Who cares that you are 105 kgs when you can get your straight A..
Everyone, wish me luck.. I need tons of it..
Sunday, April 15, 2007
A nice story about love and marriage...
One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love? How can I find it?"
His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."
Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing.
His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?"
Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end.
His teacher then said, "And that is love."
On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How can I find it?"
His teacher answered, "There is a thriving forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found love."
Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with a tree. The tree was not thriving, and it was not tall either. It was only an ordinary tree.
His teacher asked, "Why did you chop down such an ordinary tree?"
Plato answered, "Because of my previous experience. I walked halfway through the forest, but returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt that it was not bad, so I chopped it down and brought it back. I did not want to miss the opportunity."
His teacher then said, "And that is marriage."
His teacher answered, "There is a vast wheat field in front. Walk forward without turning back, and pick only one stalk. If you find the most magnificent stalk, then you have found love."
Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with empty hands, having picked nothing.
His teacher asked, "Why did you not pick any stalk?"
Plato answered, "Because I could only pick once, and yet I could not turn back. I did find the most magnificent stalk, but did not know if there were any better ones ahead, so I did not pick it. As I walked further, the stalks that I saw were not as good as the earlier one, so I did not pick any in the end.
His teacher then said, "And that is love."
On another day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is marriage? How can I find it?"
His teacher answered, "There is a thriving forest in front. Walk forward without turning back, and chop down only one tree. If you find the tallest tree, then you have found love."
Plato walked forward, and before long, he returned with a tree. The tree was not thriving, and it was not tall either. It was only an ordinary tree.
His teacher asked, "Why did you chop down such an ordinary tree?"
Plato answered, "Because of my previous experience. I walked halfway through the forest, but returned with empty hands. This time, I saw this tree, and I felt that it was not bad, so I chopped it down and brought it back. I did not want to miss the opportunity."
His teacher then said, "And that is marriage."
Friday, April 06, 2007
Twenty-One
Yes, I am twenty-one today. Time flies so fast.
Just come back from receiving a birthday gift from my friend (I was doing my project at the reading room). And 30 min ago, just come back from friend's room to eat a surprise cake. I also had a nice lunch at NUS this afternoon. What a perfect day..
I am always touched every year in my birthday.. just like this year.
With so many friends saying "Happy Birthday" to me, I feel like I am the luckiest guy in the world. What can be better than surrounded by people you love?
Thank you very much for everyone who wished me a good year ahead. I won't let you down, friends.
OK, i make this post short. I will be continuing doing project (the deadline is 10 hours from now. I think I won't be sleeping at all tonight.)
Folks.... I AM TWENTY-ONE!!!!
Just come back from receiving a birthday gift from my friend (I was doing my project at the reading room). And 30 min ago, just come back from friend's room to eat a surprise cake. I also had a nice lunch at NUS this afternoon. What a perfect day..
I am always touched every year in my birthday.. just like this year.
With so many friends saying "Happy Birthday" to me, I feel like I am the luckiest guy in the world. What can be better than surrounded by people you love?
Thank you very much for everyone who wished me a good year ahead. I won't let you down, friends.
OK, i make this post short. I will be continuing doing project (the deadline is 10 hours from now. I think I won't be sleeping at all tonight.)
Folks.... I AM TWENTY-ONE!!!!
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Profile Views --> 507!! :D
I've just realized, my humble blog's profile has been viewed 507 times (4 April 7.17 pm Singapore time), excluded people who just drop by and read my blog without being bothered who am I. I am not trying to show off, but I think it's something I should be proud of. However, I don't know whether the same person viewed my profile so often =P
So far, this blog has been doing fantastic job for me. This blog marks my life journey from a bad-tempered 19 year old teenager to a more mature young adult now. This blog is one of the witnesses that a young man called Ben is not as strong and cool as he looks. Sometimes, he can be angry, upset, frustrated, and weak.
I found my old friends thru this blog, I found new friends also (some of them are my close friends now), I even almost found a soulmate here (oops.. ).
However, because sometimes I wrote about controversial issues, some people disagreed with me, they expressed their critiques and anger to me. I didn't mean to insult anyone. My sincere apologies if you feel insulted.
Despite all controversy, your comments really help. I learn to see a problem from different point of view. Thanks so much.
Thanks also for your concern, your support, your understanding, and everything. It is indeed very relieving to know that I am not alone. There're some other people out there experienced exactly the same thing as me. That's wonderful. Please continue supporting me, continue giving me some comments, continue sending me tons of personal E-mails.
All your comments, suggestions, ideas, and thinking mean a lot to me. A LOT.
Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all very much..
Love, hug, kiss..
Ben
So far, this blog has been doing fantastic job for me. This blog marks my life journey from a bad-tempered 19 year old teenager to a more mature young adult now. This blog is one of the witnesses that a young man called Ben is not as strong and cool as he looks. Sometimes, he can be angry, upset, frustrated, and weak.
I found my old friends thru this blog, I found new friends also (some of them are my close friends now), I even almost found a soulmate here (oops.. ).
However, because sometimes I wrote about controversial issues, some people disagreed with me, they expressed their critiques and anger to me. I didn't mean to insult anyone. My sincere apologies if you feel insulted.
Despite all controversy, your comments really help. I learn to see a problem from different point of view. Thanks so much.
Thanks also for your concern, your support, your understanding, and everything. It is indeed very relieving to know that I am not alone. There're some other people out there experienced exactly the same thing as me. That's wonderful. Please continue supporting me, continue giving me some comments, continue sending me tons of personal E-mails.
All your comments, suggestions, ideas, and thinking mean a lot to me. A LOT.
Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all very much..
Love, hug, kiss..
Ben
Trust and Honesty
It's 4 April, 2 days before my 21st birthday. Actually I don't want to blog about controversial thing again and just having my birthday in peace. However, my heart told me that I should write this.
For the first quarter of my life (assuming I will still be alive until 84), I have met hundreds of friends. My outgoing personality enables me to make friends with anyone, even the stranger I met for the first time. Maybe tens of them are considered very close to me. I chat with them often. Out of them, I guess, only about 10 or slightly more are my best friends. They are special friends, friends whom I trust. I tell them something that I will never tell my ordinary friends. Some of them have been my best friends for years, some of them, months or even weeks.
What criterias people use when they make friends? After doing some research, I found out that actually "chemistry" is a very important factor. However, if you dig it deeper, you'll find out sooner or later, that "chemistry" is actually composed of many components, and some of the most important aspects of those are, trustworthiness, honesty, integrity, and other likeability factors such as friendliness.
For me, honesty and integrity are very important. Liars won't get a place in my heart. Bullshiters better stay away from me. Opportunist, go to hell. Betrayers, sweet-mouthers etc.. the list goes on. I only surround myself with people I can trust. You only have limited time to interact with people, so you better make sure you interact with good people.
For two people (one guy and one girl) whom I considered as close friends (not best friends, yet), I am sorry to tell you, you lose my trust, most probably, forever.
No friend, so far, lied to me that badly. The first one (a guy) lied to me that he never received any out of my 15 calls and any out of 15 other calls my friend made. If that's true, you better change your phone operator. If you make mistake, you better admit it and say sorry about it. You never feel sorry. You think making someone waiting for a call overnight is a small mistake. It's a terrible mistake. Making mistake is bad, but not admitting it is the worst thing you can do. I can always call your phone operator to prove, who's right, who's wrong, but I find it useless. We all know who's right.
The second one is a girl. No friend betrays someone that badly. Last time, you told my best friend that you will support her wholeheartedly to love one particular guy. But at the end, you fall in love with that guy, secretly, without telling her, without telling me. You betrayed her so badly. And you never feel sorry about it. I don't care whether my best friend loves him or not, and that's not important. My point here is, you betrayed her. You betrayed her so badly. Being pretty doesn't mean you can treat your fellow human like that. You not only fail very badly as a friend, you fail terribly as a human.
I think that's all. Like a statue, when you break it into pieces, you can always do something to repair it. However, it won't look the same anymore. It won't look the same. Never.
It takes years to build trust, and only overnight to destroy it.
For the first quarter of my life (assuming I will still be alive until 84), I have met hundreds of friends. My outgoing personality enables me to make friends with anyone, even the stranger I met for the first time. Maybe tens of them are considered very close to me. I chat with them often. Out of them, I guess, only about 10 or slightly more are my best friends. They are special friends, friends whom I trust. I tell them something that I will never tell my ordinary friends. Some of them have been my best friends for years, some of them, months or even weeks.
What criterias people use when they make friends? After doing some research, I found out that actually "chemistry" is a very important factor. However, if you dig it deeper, you'll find out sooner or later, that "chemistry" is actually composed of many components, and some of the most important aspects of those are, trustworthiness, honesty, integrity, and other likeability factors such as friendliness.
For me, honesty and integrity are very important. Liars won't get a place in my heart. Bullshiters better stay away from me. Opportunist, go to hell. Betrayers, sweet-mouthers etc.. the list goes on. I only surround myself with people I can trust. You only have limited time to interact with people, so you better make sure you interact with good people.
For two people (one guy and one girl) whom I considered as close friends (not best friends, yet), I am sorry to tell you, you lose my trust, most probably, forever.
No friend, so far, lied to me that badly. The first one (a guy) lied to me that he never received any out of my 15 calls and any out of 15 other calls my friend made. If that's true, you better change your phone operator. If you make mistake, you better admit it and say sorry about it. You never feel sorry. You think making someone waiting for a call overnight is a small mistake. It's a terrible mistake. Making mistake is bad, but not admitting it is the worst thing you can do. I can always call your phone operator to prove, who's right, who's wrong, but I find it useless. We all know who's right.
The second one is a girl. No friend betrays someone that badly. Last time, you told my best friend that you will support her wholeheartedly to love one particular guy. But at the end, you fall in love with that guy, secretly, without telling her, without telling me. You betrayed her so badly. And you never feel sorry about it. I don't care whether my best friend loves him or not, and that's not important. My point here is, you betrayed her. You betrayed her so badly. Being pretty doesn't mean you can treat your fellow human like that. You not only fail very badly as a friend, you fail terribly as a human.
I think that's all. Like a statue, when you break it into pieces, you can always do something to repair it. However, it won't look the same anymore. It won't look the same. Never.
It takes years to build trust, and only overnight to destroy it.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Birthday Wishlist. Anyone? =P
I will be celebrating my 21st birthday this coming 6 April (it happens to be Good Friday).. in the most romantic and memorable place in the world, my beloved study desk. Yes, I will be catching up some subjects for my exam, and I will be celebrating my birthday after my exam.
OK, this is my birthday wishlist. It may or may not ranked according to my preference :)
1. A straight A for my exam result plus one A+ for any subject.
2. Five As for this semester.
3. A more emotionally-savvy me.
4. Four A and one A- for my design subject
5. A world free of war.
6. Happy and healthy Mom, Dad, and brothers.
7. A cute japanese or korean girl who can speak good english.
8. Have I mentioned something about my exam result?
9. One bottle of caffeine pills.
10. Any new bestseller book. No fiction please.
11. A weighing scale with body fat percentage.
12. An internship on May to July period.
13. Someone who can teach me Mandarin twice a week one hour each.
14. Prosperous Indonesia and an even more prosperous Singapore.
15. Business Week and/or Time magazine subscription.
16. Donald Trump's autograph, with "Benny, you are gonna strike it big!" writing.
17. Paris Hilton poster.
18. A piano book.
19. A unique MP3 player with classical music inside.
20. A very valuable and rare creature in this world called bestfriend.
OK, this is my birthday wishlist. It may or may not ranked according to my preference :)
1. A straight A for my exam result plus one A+ for any subject.
2. Five As for this semester.
3. A more emotionally-savvy me.
4. Four A and one A- for my design subject
5. A world free of war.
6. Happy and healthy Mom, Dad, and brothers.
7. A cute japanese or korean girl who can speak good english.
8. Have I mentioned something about my exam result?
9. One bottle of caffeine pills.
10. Any new bestseller book. No fiction please.
11. A weighing scale with body fat percentage.
12. An internship on May to July period.
13. Someone who can teach me Mandarin twice a week one hour each.
14. Prosperous Indonesia and an even more prosperous Singapore.
15. Business Week and/or Time magazine subscription.
16. Donald Trump's autograph, with "Benny, you are gonna strike it big!" writing.
17. Paris Hilton poster.
18. A piano book.
19. A unique MP3 player with classical music inside.
20. A very valuable and rare creature in this world called bestfriend.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Humiliated... by a girl.
I ve always been proud of myself for being able to run so far and so fast. As a competitive badminton player who used to represent my hall at InterHall Competition, and represent Indonesian society at International Games (an event which I also served as co-chairman), I, unquestionably, have a good stamina. When I was young (which is not so long ago), I used to play badminton for 6-hour continuosly.
However, I realized that nothing is permanent in this world. Actually, before the jogging session, I declared "There's no way a girl can beat a guy." But after the jogging session, I've to take back my words, in a humiliating way. I lost to one of the pretty girl from Kazakhstan (Mr Google, is it the correct way to spell it?). I think they used to run from Kazakhstan to Russia and go back again. No wonder, Russia produces some of the world's most admired female athletes, such as Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova (please don't google to find those names when your girlfriend is around). Btw, why do I talk about Russia and not Kazakhstan? =P
Losing sucks. Losing to a girl is pathetic -_-"
However, I realized that nothing is permanent in this world. Actually, before the jogging session, I declared "There's no way a girl can beat a guy." But after the jogging session, I've to take back my words, in a humiliating way. I lost to one of the pretty girl from Kazakhstan (Mr Google, is it the correct way to spell it?). I think they used to run from Kazakhstan to Russia and go back again. No wonder, Russia produces some of the world's most admired female athletes, such as Anna Kournikova and Maria Sharapova (please don't google to find those names when your girlfriend is around). Btw, why do I talk about Russia and not Kazakhstan? =P
Losing sucks. Losing to a girl is pathetic -_-"
Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish.
A very famous speech by Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple and Pixar.
http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA&eurl=
Needless to say, he is just extremely outstanding, really one in a million, oops.. i think one in a billion.
He gave a very strong message, do what you love to do. Be passionate about what you do. Follow your heart.
Quoting him, when you wake up in the morning with a paradigm that today's the last day of your life, will you do what you need to do? Will you go to MRT at 7 am, do repetitive jobs which you can do with your left hand and one eye closed, and come back at 6 pm, and having a bowl of stupid instant noodle or one package of McDonald? Everyday?
If your "heart" (I prefer use "intuition" here) somehow indicate that there's something wrong, there's a high chance you are right.
Life is too precious to be wasted to fulfill others' dreams. Your parents' dreams, your spouse's dreams, or your bank account's dreams. You need to fulfill your own dream, you need to answer the calling of your life, you need to have a fulfilling and rewarding life.
You're free to choose, but your choice will determine where will you be in 10, 20, or 40 years time. Will you be in your stupid office starring at the clock every 10 minutes? Or will you be in your private jet? Or will you be in Africa feeding poor people? There's no right or wrong answer. One person's "challenging life" might cause a heart-attack for the others. And one's "peaceful life" is boring for the challenge-lovers. One's luxurious lifestyle might be called materialistic by others. And one's simple life might tempt your neighbors to call you "lazy and useless creature."
However, the ultimate question is, if God ask you at the last day of your life, "hey son, how's life?", will you answer, "That's great. I enjoy every second of it."? Or, will answer "I don't remember that I have life. Yes, I do work, sleep, and talk. When can I start to have life?"
You decide.
http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA&eurl=
Needless to say, he is just extremely outstanding, really one in a million, oops.. i think one in a billion.
He gave a very strong message, do what you love to do. Be passionate about what you do. Follow your heart.
Quoting him, when you wake up in the morning with a paradigm that today's the last day of your life, will you do what you need to do? Will you go to MRT at 7 am, do repetitive jobs which you can do with your left hand and one eye closed, and come back at 6 pm, and having a bowl of stupid instant noodle or one package of McDonald? Everyday?
If your "heart" (I prefer use "intuition" here) somehow indicate that there's something wrong, there's a high chance you are right.
Life is too precious to be wasted to fulfill others' dreams. Your parents' dreams, your spouse's dreams, or your bank account's dreams. You need to fulfill your own dream, you need to answer the calling of your life, you need to have a fulfilling and rewarding life.
You're free to choose, but your choice will determine where will you be in 10, 20, or 40 years time. Will you be in your stupid office starring at the clock every 10 minutes? Or will you be in your private jet? Or will you be in Africa feeding poor people? There's no right or wrong answer. One person's "challenging life" might cause a heart-attack for the others. And one's "peaceful life" is boring for the challenge-lovers. One's luxurious lifestyle might be called materialistic by others. And one's simple life might tempt your neighbors to call you "lazy and useless creature."
However, the ultimate question is, if God ask you at the last day of your life, "hey son, how's life?", will you answer, "That's great. I enjoy every second of it."? Or, will answer "I don't remember that I have life. Yes, I do work, sleep, and talk. When can I start to have life?"
You decide.
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