Saturday, April 18, 2009


There might be times when we felt that no matter how hard we tried, our society just can't accept us. In 23 years of my life, I have seen countless of so-called good boys or girls who turned naughty just to be accepted by their community. Some tried too hard to be popular, and some who failed finally had to rely on shortcuts like free sex and drugs.

And I know how it feels. I come from a family which is 100 miles from being harmonious, and I know how important the feeling of acceptance is. And given that kind of background, it's perfectly reasonable for me to turn into that kind of people, who are dying just to be accepted.

I know how it feels to have to depend on sleeping pills just to be able to sleep. I perfectly understand how it feels when troubles seem so big that jumping from the 6th floor of university dormitory seems to be the easiest and the least painful way.

Given the kind of acting ability, despite all the troubled past, I was able to hide all the problems behind my back, faking my smile, and appeared that I am the most blessed and problem-free person. Sometimes I didn't only have double personality syndrome, I had many - so many until I lost count. And let me tell you, we can pretend well at some occasions. We can pretend not-so-well at many occasions. However, pretending well at all occasions is just so freaking tiring - something that I did for more than 1 year, perfectly well.

And if not because of God's grace, maybe I had already given up my dream. However, I continued to pursue it, doing lots of things other probably could only dream of - graduating from one of the best universities in Asia, getting multiple job offers long before I graduated, and many other things (read my previous posts).

And I have just realized.. some people try too hard to be accepted. Maybe I tried the hardest... failed, injured, and was left disappointed.
If I were to learn from the mistakes, I would conclude my post with this very beautiful quote:

"God, give me the strength to change the things I can change, the courage to accept the things I can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Some things in life are better left untouched.

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