Let Go... and Let God. How Prayer Changed My Life.

I read a book a few years ago. It said... there are two ways to approach prayer: to use it as your last resource, or use it as your first.

When people face problems, they usually try everything. They ask their friends, they google their problems, they hire consultants. And when everything else fails, they try prayer.

I used to be that kind of person. I stressed myself out, I drank a few bottle of beers, I cursed some people. Result? I made that problem bigger.

I think the better approach would be... to make prayer our first resource. "Be still and know that I am GOD" (Psalm 46:10). The Bible doesn't instruct us to keep worrying, to do all kinds of stuffs to make other people pity us.



Prayer is like sending our problem away by Fedex. We trust Fedex to deliver our package, and that's all. We don't need to check every hour or every minute where our package is. What we know is... somehow the package is delivered. How? We don't know, but somehow, it's done.

When we trust God with our problems, He will tell us "OK, got it. Now the problem is mine, not yours." If we pray and still worry, God will doubt whether we trust Him. He will tell us "Excuse me son, you think I am not good enough to solve your problems?"

Don't tell God how big our problem is, tell our problem how big our God is.

"Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" (Mark 11:24).

Choosing Advice

In the past 3 years since my last post, I have changed. A LOT. I gained some wisdom and become more mature along the way. But the negative side is... I got influenced more heavily by people. I am a melancholic by nature, so I think about everything deeply... sometimes too deeply. The flip side? I got stressed easily.

Until my friend gave me this piece of advice... this is what he said in his own words.

"Ben, in life you will meet lots of people... and they will tell you this and that. Some of the things they say are smart. Some are stupid. Some are very stupid. Some are unbelievably stupid. Wise people can decide what to follow. Listen to everyone, but follow your heart."

I tell you, I have some of the smartest friends one could ever get. People say our success and personality are the average of 6 of our closest friends. So... choose your friends wisely.

Being Your Best

My roommate and I had a conversation last night. We discussed which one is better: being excellent in one or two things or being reasonably good in lots of different things. We got different opinion with that matter.

I think life is so competitive that we just can't afford to be just good, not to mention to be average. Wanna have a proof?

In male tennis, current world number 1 is Novak Djokovic. He has accumulated career prize money of some USD 35 million. That doesn't include his endorsement money etc which is way more that that. World number 100? Joao Souza with USD 458,000, that's around 76 times less compared to Djokovic.


Assuming that there are 100,000 people playing tennis in the world (I think there're more), both Djokovic and Souza are in the top 0.1%. Any statistician will tell you, top 1% in any industry is considered very good and the top 0.1% is beyond compare. But why is there such a distinct difference in terms of income?

My point? Being just very good sucks. You gotta be excellent, you gotta be the best in something. People pay top dollars to watch Djokovic. Why? because he's good? No way! Because he's the best.

I rest my case.

I am Back!

May 3, 2009. Yes, that was the last time I blogged. Now, almost 3 years from that last post...

I am back. Better. Improved.

Just like Kim Clijsters did her come back in 2009 after being a mom, I do my comeback (not after being a dad though.)

Still, it's a milestone.

Write to you soon guys. Miss it so much!

Gimme Your Dark Side! - a question

I got an E-mail from a person who happened to read my humble blog.

Question: It seems that your blog only represents your so-called bright side and not your dark side? Isn't it a bit unfair? -someone-

My respond:
It's good to listen that my blog radiates brightness, and as a matter of fact, it's the purpose of this blog to lighten up - otherwise I won't give the title of Energizing My Day (just call it Gloom My Day - brilliant!)

However, I understand very well that I am just a human - with all my weakness and limitations. For example, in this post, I wrote how I could be disappointed with some of the best friends I have ever had. In this post, I became super angry towards people who are often late. I didn't hide my troubled past and far-from-perfect background here. Like a striptease show, I bare everything. Yes, everything. No make-up, no photoshop, no mask - welcome to my life.

However, from the every beginning I understand that it's the purpose of this blog - to Energize My Day, and hopefully also Your Day. We live in a gloomy world, with all the gloomy people. Why make it even gloomier my dear friend?


That's all I have. Be positive, be happy, be grateful for everything we have. And...


THANK GOD TOMORROW IS MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well... :p

One Thing (or Two) I learned from Rope-Pulling Competition

"We are judged by what we do and how we do it... no matter how small and insignificant that thing might be."

Yes, I believe in that sentence. How we do something determines how we do everything in life. How we treat waiters in the restaurant, how we act on our appointments including casual dinner with friends, and how we say thank-you to the auntie cleaners (or maybe, no thank-you at all, or maybe we are wondering "hey, how come the floor is always clean without any people cleaning it?" gee..)

For me, I always finish whatever I start, and I mean, finish well.

Last Sunday we had "Rope Pulling Competition" or whatever they call it in English. I signed up for it, and if that competition were a Champions League match, I won't be the Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo. I train hard in the gym, but yeah, maybe I am not genetically muscular, so, well. To make the long story short, I am noone in that competition.

Except for one thing....


I never give up. I always enter a competition with one thing in mind: I am going to win. I give my best (and maybe my best is not enough, but who.bloody.CARES?).

We won our first two matches and we entered the top 6 out of 24 teams. That is quite an achievement if we look at our team: all Asians, noone is particularly big and muscular.



Even when we finally lose to the team who finally topped the whole competition, we lose with our face straight looking at our teams' eyes: proud and satisfied...

And as for me, I know myself too well. When I had a 2-hour non-stop badminton match, I will run for 2 hours. I will catch the shuttlecock wherever it goes even when I need to fall down and get hurt, that's perfectly alright. So whenever I finish something, be it a badminton match or a Rope Pulling competition; be it an exam or a job; be it a 1/2-million-dollar project or a simple speech, I always tap myself on my shoulder, and tell myself:

"Ben, I am so proud of you.Really, Really Proud"

P.S:

Happy Birthday Regina...

You two are one of the sweetest couples I have ever met (Tom and Katie Cruise not included :D)

Acceptance

There might be times when we felt that no matter how hard we tried, our society just can't accept us. In 23 years of my life, I have seen countless of so-called good boys or girls who turned naughty just to be accepted by their community. Some tried too hard to be popular, and some who failed finally had to rely on shortcuts like free sex and drugs.

And I know how it feels. I come from a family which is 100 miles from being harmonious, and I know how important the feeling of acceptance is. And given that kind of background, it's perfectly reasonable for me to turn into that kind of people, who are dying just to be accepted.

I know how it feels to have to depend on sleeping pills just to be able to sleep. I perfectly understand how it feels when troubles seem so big that jumping from the 6th floor of university dormitory seems to be the easiest and the least painful way.

Given the kind of acting ability, despite all the troubled past, I was able to hide all the problems behind my back, faking my smile, and appeared that I am the most blessed and problem-free person. Sometimes I didn't only have double personality syndrome, I had many - so many until I lost count. And let me tell you, we can pretend well at some occasions. We can pretend not-so-well at many occasions. However, pretending well at all occasions is just so freaking tiring - something that I did for more than 1 year, perfectly well.


And if not because of God's grace, maybe I had already given up my dream. However, I continued to pursue it, doing lots of things other probably could only dream of - graduating from one of the best universities in Asia, getting multiple job offers long before I graduated, and many other things (read my previous posts).


And I have just realized.. some people try too hard to be accepted. Maybe I tried the hardest... failed, injured, and was left disappointed.

If I were to learn from the mistakes, I would conclude my post with this very beautiful quote:

"God, give me the strength to change the things I can change, the courage to accept the things I can't change, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Some things in life are better left untouched.

Just because I am no longer 18...

When I was 18 years old, everything seems to happen so slow.

When I am 23, everything seems to be too fast. And when I look back, I always wonder "What the heck have I done for the past 5 years?"

This morning I read China Daily and read that a 22-year-old college student from Wisconsin USA was elected as city mayor. And realizing that I am 1 year older than him and have accomplished nothing in life left me feeling so useless.

However, when I reflected back.. let's say I can live until 80 years old. The journey I have done so far is just over a quarter of it. If my life were a football match, it is not even half-time and for most football matches I watched, the first half of the match is boring. Manchester United scored twice in the last few minutes when they won their Champions league in 1999 and when they won it again last season, the last few minutes period was also the decision factor.

Nevertheless, I think life is short and if I imagine in the last few minutes of my life, I will be asking questions like whether I am satisfied with the life I have.

Maybe I am no longer 18 not even close to that, but I think, never in my life I am feeling so energized. Never in my life I want to (once-again) conquer the world. And never in my life I am feeling so blessed to have some of the finest things in life which can't be bought by money, and some which can be bought by money.

Maybe I am no longer 18, but who.bloody.cares.

P.S. :
1.Friends, thanks for a meaningful 23th birthday.

2. I am going to have a blog in Chinese. Do leave a message or send me an E-mail to suggest for the URL name of my chinese blog :)

3. Some of the finest things in life are FREE. One of those is salvation. Jesus Christ has died for us sinners so we can be saved. Happy Easter and may the spirit of Easter reminds us that we are indeed very, very blessed.

From Guang Zhou with Love

Surprise! Surprise! I know you have been waiting for this post for SO FREAKING LONG. I know that! thanks.. :D I arrived in Guang Zhou 2 days ago and this is my first time writing in my beloved blog... in an internet cafe full of people smoking although there are signs "No Smoking" everywhere.

I am freezing, it's FREAKING COLD here (people, whoever you are, who write in whatever space in this internet that Guang Zhou is hot all year long, I demand your explanation!). You won't believe that you are freezing at 12noon. But I like the weather here. People here have very good skin complexion generally because of this cold weather.


People, when you read something about China which is written by so-called experts, don't believe anything. The only way to experience the real China is by booking your air ticket now and Just Freaking Flying baby! After that, fake your accent so people think that you are a chinese, and dress like what a chinese usually dresses (which means, don't iron your clothes, never.)

First and foremost, China people are not rude like what people say. During 3 days in Guang Zhou, I met lots of friendly people, from a pretty customer service assistant at Bank of China to the auntie who sells "branded goods" for a living. And trust me, her Louis Vuitton, Burberry and such are good, at least good enough for what you pay for. Fifteen yuan for a "Burberry" passport wallet, well, what can you expect?

Second, Guang Zhou is not a cheap place to live at. Not at all. It is almost as expensive as Singapore. The food here is slightly better than Singapore. BUT. It's not HEAVENLY GOOD like what some people told me.

Third, is it just me or my chinese gets so good until I can't believe it myself. When I just arrived, and was going from airport to my university, I could chat with the taxi uncle and he seemed to understand most of what I told him. There are only two options: first, my chinese got better by a lot just by going to Guang Zhou airport toilet, and second, he is a superb actor. I hope the former is right.

Oh, what else should I write? Oh yes, Fourth, Guang Zhou Metro is like Singapore MRT. Sorry Singapore, but I must say, this Metro is almost as good as Singapore MRT and faster (comparing the fare, it's just 1/3 of what you pay in Singapore). It's much better and cleaner than the one in Kuala Lumpur, and just give this city a few more years, this city is going to be unbelievable.

And Fifth, don't believe when people say you should NEVER go to Guang Zhou if you want to learn Chinese because people there speak Cantonese. Guang Zhou people speak mostly chinese just with a slight accent, and there is no reason why it can't stand against Beijing or Shanghai as a place to learn chinese.

OK, when I get my internet application approved next Wednesday, I shall post some photos. A person beside me is smoking like hell and I can't stand it.

And Singapore, I miss you like crazy.

5 hours

Wohoo... I and my negotiation skill. I exchanged SGD to RMB today and a bit sweet talk (and some winks for course :D) could save me RMB300 - save that for a trip to Hong Kong for free :D

I know I am irresistible... *wink*

It's just over 5 hours before my flight...

13 Hours

Everything is ready. Clothes, books, toiletries, documents, shoes (Gosh, I don't know that I have 7 pairs of shoes). Total packing time: 5 hours.

When I go for a short few-days trip, I just need 2 hours max to pack up my stuffs, and to move from one country to another, yes, 5 hours - that's all I need :)

By this time tomorrow, I will be on the way from Bangkok to Guang Zhou, no sleep tonight. I hope the placement test doesn't take place tomorrow because that would mean I will perform way below my standard due to the lack of sleep (I mean, no sleep at all). However, if that's the case, I would rely on my trusted friend - Red Bull (don't know what they call it in China.)

This morning, I had a short walk around my house and felt that Singapore is very beautiful. I know I am being biased - we think something is so good when we are about to lose it or already lost it (Ever seen someone being accused and blamed at their funeral?)

This has been a wonderful 5 years, in a small country I now already call "home".

The Truth About Words

My dear friend,
It is sometimes hurtful to know the truth. However, not knowing the truth is even sadder (I would prefer to know that I am ugly like shit than thinking I am a Brad Pitt which is a self-delusion at its best.)

I believe that whatever comes out from our mouth is what we will be judged from. Just like when we are not to shit anywhere except inside toilets, it's just a common sense that we just say something positive and uplifting, not over-promise and under-deliver, ecetera ecetera.

I am well-known to be very straightforward and sometimes, extremely blunt. No, backstabbing people is not in my life's dictionary. I would rather stab them straight on their face, which is at least 1000 times more fun. So, if there are some words which are just too harsh to accept, I am terribly sorry.


Updates:
2 days to go, and it's just SO FUCKING HARD to leave this place with all its amazing people. I will definitely miss you guys so much!

P.S. I am writing this post inside NTU hall of residence 2's computer room. This place brings back lots of memories of my first year of university education. Yes, a cute, fat, happy, and naive me. I am now getting slimmer, even cuter (awww...), less happy, but still as naive as ever.

Time flies huh...

A Life Without Regret

Because we only live once, why not make it a great one?

Why can't we seize each and everyday as if It were our last? Loving and expressing our love to someone we really love as if we don't have another chance? And working hard and playing hard as if we were in a reality show called "How Interesting is Your Life?"?

Sure we have lots of regrets. I have so many regrets in life that I can write a book on it. However, I choose to live my life as a glass half-full instead of half-empty, and this is my life, the best I could give, and the best God could ever think of.

Even if I die tomorrow in a plane crash, I can proudly tell God in heaven.. "God, I am done, no regret." ... and if I were to choose, I would choose a great 23 years than an average 93 years.

Updates

Tomorrow might be my last match (or probably was it last week?). With my 0-2 record, I don't expect too much that I will be playing.

However, if the captain asks me to play, I will definitely give my everything (I always say, maybe my best is not good enough, but who bloody cares baby???). Anyways, there's not much difference between 0-2 and 0-3 record, so I have nothing to lose. It's like playing against Manchester United. If you lose, that's okay. If you win, wow, that's something. And I always play very well without any expectation whatsoever, so... expect a masterpiece tomorrow! hehe... :D

I will be also preparing as emcee for IG closing ceremony tomorrow. With such a good respond from people I met after Opening Ceremony, there will be high expectation towards me. So, it's not easy to be better than something which is already quite great. I must think outside the box and exceed people's expectation one more time.

OK, 4 days to go. I am learning Chinese all the time now, and I can smell Guang Zhou 1600 miles away.

Small note, my body fat percentage reaches the lowest point in 2 years, 14.3% from 15.7% last month with body muscle increases slightly from 80.5% last month to 81.5%. According to the experts, it's quite good, but if I remember correctly, last time I could reach 12% or around there. I know I am older now, but if I could achieve it last time, there's no reason for me not to be able to achieve it this time.

Haha... now going to shower. Cya!!!

6 days

Oh My God, by this time 6 days from now, I will be transiting in Bangkok while waiting for the next day's flight to Guang Zhou. It's hard to leave Singapore, a place which I have called "home" for the past 5 years. It's indeed very very hard.

However, as Brad Pitt said in his movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, our life is defined by its opportunities, including the ones we missed. I don't want 15 years from now, looking back at this opportunity and regretting not to take it up.

People call it "culture shock" not without reasons. There will be lots of differences between Singapore and Guang Zhou, and someone like me who speaks limited Mandarin will need to struggle to survive, but well, I know myself too well. If a newspaper commissions me to go to The Middle East to report a war there, I can fly there as early as tonight. That's how fearless I am.

OK, wish me all the best and miss me like crazy :D

Kids These Days...

First Kid

When I read my Mandarin book on the way back home, trying to memorize some chinese characters from a book titled "Fun With Chinese Characters", a small boy aged around 10 or 11 started to read from my book as well. And it seems that he could memorize those chinese characters faster than me.

If there were only two of us, I would find that boy cute. However, because the boy looked so excited looking at my book and there were so many people there, EVERYONE then started to look at my book as if there's a lucky number to win lottery or such. Oh, totally paiseh.

Second Kid

When I walked from Bukit Batok MRT to my home, I met a kid near the vending machine. OK, nothing strange... until I saw what he bought. He bought a RED BULL!!! Oh My Gosh, he is just 10 years old at most, and he already consumed something that I started drinking only when I was 18. I couldn't remember when was the first time I consumed coffee to help me stay awake, I think I was at least 15 or 16.

Oh, kids these days are totally different from when I was a kid. *sorry to sound so old =P*

My Second Loss

First of all, for some friends who expressed their concerns toward me after I blogged about my disappointment yesterday, thanks so much, really appreciate that (this is not sarcasm, zhen de zhen de :)). People say, the true test for friendship is when one or all the parties are in their life's lowest point. Thanks for showing your true colours :)

Just a minor concern: When you promise that you will be coming for something, you better make sure you come, or give a valid reason. It's a small thing, but that decides whether you are trustworthy or not.

Well, I lost again for the second time out of two matches I did, that makes me in the tie-worst position in my team with 0-2 record, despite our team advanced to the semifinal and will be facing a mountain-high task against Malaysia. But this is sport and anything can happen in the court, so keep our fingers crossed ;)

I am not a politician, but I think for someone who can negotiate anything and persuade anyone to do whatever I want, I will just provide some explanations for my loss.

1. My eyesight is getting worse everyday. I think I am not ready to wear specs when playing bcoz my specs is not designed for sports. However, playing without a specs is indeed a disadvantage for me. I can't even look at the back of the opponent's court!

2. I was against the best player in the other team. If a club like Manchester City can have Robinho, I think there is no reason for any team not to have a star player, and sadly, that player was playing against me. My opponent also won against a star player from China, so well...

3. I was nervous. I think this is totally sad. Everytime I play badminton for fun, I play well.. but sadly, everytime I play in a competition, I play way below my standard.

4. 11-point rally really tortured me. I always feel that 21-point system is way better. I usually play not so well in the beginning of the set and improve as the game progresses when the opponent starts to get tired. However, 11-point system puts players like me into a disadvantage position (Taufik Hidayat also felt the same way, so this is a global concern). When I make 3 or 4 mistakes, that's almost half the set. Unbelievable.


However, despite all the explanations, I didn't escape from my responsibility although I played better today compared to yesterday. If yesterday I was at 50% of my maximum ability, today I rate myself at 75%. Hopefully next week if I play again, I can be at my 100%. Even if I lose (and that makes my record 0-3), I can be satisfied that I have given my best. Maybe my best is not good enough, but who bloody cares??

Oh well, it's over. It should be.

I've learnt in life... we shouldn't cry over what's passed. When we are able to take lessons from our past mistakes, that's good enough. Noone is perfect (although I always say that I am noone).

Take a deep breath, curse and shout "FUCKKKKKK" as loud as you can, close your eyes... and *shuh* your sin is forgiven. Not successful? Run on a treadmill at 13km/hour, and run and run and run until you are out of breath and full of sweat (it's best if your knee is bleeding because of too much run, the feeling is SO FREAKING AWESOME). For me, it helps, a lot.

I never know it's that easy.

Where were you when I expected you to be there?

Actually I wanted to make this post private, but I guess the purpose of this blog is to represent me, as the way I am - no make-up, no photoshop, no mask.

Well, my first badminton match this year after last year we grabbed 3 gold medals and 2 silver medals. This year is probably my last year playing, and that's why this is very important for me.

To make the long story short, I lost the match. Quite close, but losing is losing, and that's just sad.

Thanks for those who reminded me again and again that it was my fault that our team lost. Without you reminding me, I already felt very guilty, so thanks for pouring some salt on my wound, really appreciate your kind heart.

But what makes me even sadder is that... some people whom I expected to watch me playing were not there.

When I did emcee, noone was there among the audiences. Noone. I know it's 9 in the morning, but we usually get up before 7 when we work or have class, so to say that 9am is too early is just another excuse not to see, and that's just sad. I had been waiting and hoped that at least one of the people I expect to come showed up, but yes, I was left disappointed despite the great success. People I met said that we (my partner and I) did a great job emceeing, but yeah, some success are simply meaningless when there is noone to share with.

When we put so much emphasis on Saying Goodbye, why is it that during probably our last days together (I say "probably", who know my plane crashes, we will never know), some people are just not here?

I thought friends are to support each other in terms of happiness and sadness. Not just hanging out watching movies together, wasting money shopping, going to some stupid cafes, eating out, gossiping. Yes, those are fun, but hey, I can meet someone today and tomorrow we can watch movie or eating out together, so what's special?

Yes, and when I lost my match, some people were not there. Yes, two people showed up and I won't forget those for the rest of my life. For the rest, maybe it's not important for you, I don't know. Maybe you had something else to do like for example sleeping or such, I don't know. Or maybe watching people playing badminton is not fun, although for me, this was probably my last match and that's definitely very very important. And maybe this was my last two chance emceeing, and that's very very important. And I was left disappointed when some people just weren't there to support me.

OK, maybe this is 21st century, and friendship is just about watching movies together, shopping, gossiping totally useless stuffs like who marry who or who are gays, who are straight. Maybe I expect too high and therefore, disappointed.

I can't say if those people I expect to come really did come I would win the match. I will never know. I understand perfectly well that I am not Taufik Hidayat or Lin Dan. But when someone so ordinary like me playing for probably my last matches, and probably one of the last times emceeing, can't I expect some people who are so special in my life to be coming and cheer me even if I lost the match?

ANYWAYS, thanks for being so kind, and understanding, and attentive.

P.S. I am okay, it's over. No worries ;)

Addicted to Sports

I don't smoke at all (no offence to smokers, but I have been trying so hard to find a reason why people say smoking is cool, but I really can't find any, gomen...).

The only addictions I have are luckily relatively good ones. I used to be addicted to work, and felt so panic when I have nothing to do. And I have just realized one thing.. that I am addicted to playing sports.

I know last time I played badminton to the extreme, playing 6 straight hours from 9 at night to 3 o'clock in the morning, and skipped the 9am class (don't blame me, blame the alarm clock, it didn't shout louder =P).

However, as I get older, fatter, and weaker (Gosh, those three words give me nightmare, can anyone please eliminate those words from English language?), I thought my addiction to playing sports has disappeared. Until today....

I went to gym at 10.30, had a gym session from 10.30 to 12.30 (no gossiping session, as there were only two persons in the gym and the other party was listening to ipod). After that as if I didn't exercise enough, I went to the treadmill machine and started running. I planned to run for 15 minutes, but then I felt SO FREAKING GOOD and decided I would run for another 10 minutes. I got addicted in running and couldn't stop it! Finally I ran for almost 1 hour straight.... and btw, that's after 2 hour of gym session. If my body fat percentage doesn't go down by 2%, God is really being unfair to me.

I almost wanted to take a shower, but the swimming pool outside gym was simply irresistible. I finally decided to swim for some laps, and at the end, I swam for about 1/2 hour. Well, I couldn't say that I am good at swimming. But at least in case of emergency, I can swim for 1/2 hour before some people notice that I am too cute to be left sunk. *wink*

Btw, talking about sports, if you are NTU students or alumni.. or simply anyone (can't find person who doesn't belong to this category =D), don't forget to come to NTU International Games 2009 Opening ceremony tomorrow (7th Feb 2009). There will be two cute emcees (one of those is me =P), lucky draw, and most importantly, lots and lots and lots of fun. The venue is NTU Sports and Recreation Centre (SRC), at 830am sharp.

See you there!